He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
