he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
