I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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