So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
