If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
