ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
