The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
