just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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