my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
