Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
