I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
