Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
