I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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