I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I party with great urgency now.
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