My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
