Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
