And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
