I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
