So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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