She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize