is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
