I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
