Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
