he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
