I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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