those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
