I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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