some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
