she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
