idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
