last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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