omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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