I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
