alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
