I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
