Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
