I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
