Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
