Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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