I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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