I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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