I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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