He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
