i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
