I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
handjob tips. give me some.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
