I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
