Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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