I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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