Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
