these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
