your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
