sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
