these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
