GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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