i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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