Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
