The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
