Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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