Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
