Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
