On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
