ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
