I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
