After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
