how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My sheets look like a crime scene.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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