All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
