oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
