I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
